Money Madness and Oprah’s House

Posted on February 14th, 2008 in Experiences, Money Madness, Uncategorized | Leave A Comment

A friend of a friend of a friend invited my wife and me to a fundraiser hosted by one of the world’s most powerful women in her own home-and just like that, I found myself at Oprah’s house.

Since childhood, my money madness has equated self-worth with net worth.  Conflating self-worth with net worth has driven much of my dysfunctional behavior around money, including my knee-jerk reaction to disconnect from those I perceive to have more or less than I do. I experience that separation not just in my mind and spirit, but in my body; I may greet someone wealthier with the appearance of ease and equality, but my body tells me I’m inferior-tight shoulders, a nervous stomach and a quickened pulse are the typical sensations. No doubt the other person feels nervous, closed-off energy on some level.

My money monster also made me assume that others would behave the same way-that is, if someone perceived me as richer then they were, they would distance themselves from me as a matter of course.  In order to stave off this distancing, I kept my money private for a long time. Ironically, the isolation led to less joy and, as I’ve connected more to the world without hiding my money, I’ve felt more joy, more inclusion and less separation from others.

Which brings us to Oprah. Here she is, a billionaire, a powerhouse, a woman of deep self-awareness with a profound sense of social-responsibility and connection, opening her home and encouraging all of her guests to get real and get open about their wealth.

Oprah’s honest, embracing energy powerfully reminded me that whether you’re a billionaire or in debt, the more you can connect with others through money conversations, philanthropy, giving and receiving, the more we all feel a sense of inclusion and joy. Money does not have to be a force of divisiveness; it can be a tool for change and intimacy – if we’re willing to use it.

 

A few blog posts about Oprah I thought you might like:

 

Oprah does ‘favorite things’ on the cheap, even with freebies … – I so agree with you about Oprah… She has, in my opinion, sold out to the rich and infamous with her money. Too bad all these celebs don’t realize where their money comes from and return it here. Here in the USA we have schools that …

10 Links a Day: The Oprah Shopping List: Gifts Under $100 – Recently, Oprah came out with her list of great gifts for under $100. There are some great ideas on the list below and 10 Links a Day would like to thank Oprah and her team for pulling together this amazing list. Check them out. …

Teaching Kids about Money – Orpah Again – While TV channel surfing one recent evening, I came by another episode of Oprah that had Suze Orman as a guest. As you may remember, I’ve written about Oprah and money before where Suze spoke to Oprah about the grotesque amounts of debt …

 

Another Spencer Sherman

Posted on January 30th, 2008 in Experiences | Leave A Comment

I recently had a meeting with an unrelated man named Spencer Sherman. He’s 16 years older than me, but we were both born and raised in the same New York City borough, and both moved to California later in life. We share similar values and interests, not to mention a name-very uncommon.

Yes, I was curious about another human being with the same name, but the bigger reason for our meeting was to offer him money for his website and its domain: www.SpencerSherman.com.  I brought up my interest and joked that my business partner was afraid I’d pay him $1 million for the site, and Spencer Sherman stopped, thought and said, “I might consider a million dollars, but just for a moment. Money doesn’t mean much to me and I’m enjoying my website.”

How unusual to find someone who doesn’t equate self-worth with net worth, who isn’t willing to sell his joy for money and who isn’t obedient to the call of money as a well-trained dog to its master.

I recall so many instances when I sold enjoyable, precious private time just to make an extra buck. I believed then that, as long as the price was right, you were supposed to sell your joy for money. I let my money madness override the true value of happiness.

I’ve gotten much better at keeping my money monster from running the show, but it’s still a practice.  With practice, each of us can dissolve the money madness and see the value of life beyond money.  The other Spencer Sherman’s peaceful connection to his own happiness over riches inspired a deeper inquiry into my own money madness, and how I can continue to transcend it. Indeed, sometimes we can see in others exactly what we want to cultivate in ourselves.

My RV Vacation

Posted on January 15th, 2008 in Experiences, Family, Money Madness | Leave A Comment

After fantasizing about an RV vacation for years, we decided to test drive the idea by renting one for a weekend getaway to a Northern California music festival.   We loved the music, and it was a wonderful weekend, but we discovered that we are not, as it turns out, RV people.  We much prefer camping, where we can cook and eat outside, our young children can run around the campground, and we aren’t separated from other families by four metal walls.

At the end of the weekend, we returned the RV to the rental place, and discovered that our Honda had been broken into.  The RV rental company had assured us the car would be fine, and against better judgment, we left it parked on the street; now, the passenger window was smashed to pieces, and our iPod and $20 in cash were missing. The total cost to fix the car, clean up the glass and replace the iPod was $700.  Add that to the $750 RV rental fee, and the test drive put us back $1,450. Ouch!

Had this happened 10 years ago, I probably would have been upset for a week, tried to make up the $1,450 by day-trading, and blamed my wife for the whole thing.

…I might also have bought an RV–not rented one–in order to determine how much we liked it.

But curing my money madness means that I make better, more sound financial decisions, and instead of seeing the weekend as a wasteful debacle, I see it as costly, but essentially worth the wisdom gained.

After all, I learned that my family just isn’t an RV family–and much better to make that discovery over the course of a weekend rental than a 6-year financing plan.

Losing money created the opportunity for me to practice gratitude, and to let go of the irrational desire to make up the loss.

That opportunity, in turn, was a chance for me to practice affirming that my self-worth is not bound to my net worth.  That alone is priceless.

Mango Tango

Posted on October 30th, 2007 in Experiences | Leave A Comment

Last Monday morning I remember bringing a mango to eat at the office – Yes, I like mangos and they’re an easy item to snatch from the kitchen counter on the way out the door. It’s true, they can be messy, but the taste of a perfectly ripe mango more than justifies the risk of a dry cleaning bill. Then my mind had a bout of mango amnesia.
Wednesday, I flew to Santa Barbara for a financial conference and then Thursday to Denver for a board meeting with an institution interested in green investing with my company, Abacus – Changing the World One Portfolio at a Time.TM
Everyone is at the top of their field, a very impressive group of eight people comparing my firm to two others. I’ve been up since 4:00 AM in order to get to Denver in time and I’m exhausted and famished by the end of the three hour meeting.
I rush to the bathroom, reach into my backpack for the almonds I brought with me to refuel my empty tank and I feel something soft. Oh, it’s the mango, and one that’s going to be very messy to eat. I can’t leave it in my pack – it’s about to burst and spread mango on all my papers. I can’t just throw it out – that would be a waste of money and of my favorite food. Part of my money madness is about financial security being the most important thing in life and if you throw out something you paid money for, you’re diminishing your financial security. I find my money monster driving me to eat that mango, before it goes really bad, and satisfy my low blood sugar, my money monster and protect my financial security. Of course, it’s an irrational thought that eating a mango will protect my financial security, but that’s the nature of money madness. It drives us to crazy behavior around money.
But, wait, what if one of the board members comes into the bathroom? They said they all had meetings to get to, so it shouldn’t be a risk. I yank out the mango, rip into it over the sink, mindfully so as not to force a trip to Presto Dry Cleaners. Just as I’m done, a stall door opens (the bathroom was quieter than quiet when I entered) and the Chairman of the Board approaches a sink, two down from me. I hurriedly clean up my sink and my face, feeling my heart beat faster. I say hello Stan (thinking I’m so grateful you left the stall at the end of the mango instead of the beginning).

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