Money Madness and Oprah’s House

Posted on February 14th, 2008 in Experiences, Money Madness, Uncategorized | Leave A Comment

A friend of a friend of a friend invited my wife and me to a fundraiser hosted by one of the world’s most powerful women in her own home-and just like that, I found myself at Oprah’s house.

Since childhood, my money madness has equated self-worth with net worth.  Conflating self-worth with net worth has driven much of my dysfunctional behavior around money, including my knee-jerk reaction to disconnect from those I perceive to have more or less than I do. I experience that separation not just in my mind and spirit, but in my body; I may greet someone wealthier with the appearance of ease and equality, but my body tells me I’m inferior-tight shoulders, a nervous stomach and a quickened pulse are the typical sensations. No doubt the other person feels nervous, closed-off energy on some level.

My money monster also made me assume that others would behave the same way-that is, if someone perceived me as richer then they were, they would distance themselves from me as a matter of course.  In order to stave off this distancing, I kept my money private for a long time. Ironically, the isolation led to less joy and, as I’ve connected more to the world without hiding my money, I’ve felt more joy, more inclusion and less separation from others.

Which brings us to Oprah. Here she is, a billionaire, a powerhouse, a woman of deep self-awareness with a profound sense of social-responsibility and connection, opening her home and encouraging all of her guests to get real and get open about their wealth.

Oprah’s honest, embracing energy powerfully reminded me that whether you’re a billionaire or in debt, the more you can connect with others through money conversations, philanthropy, giving and receiving, the more we all feel a sense of inclusion and joy. Money does not have to be a force of divisiveness; it can be a tool for change and intimacy – if we’re willing to use it.

 

A few blog posts about Oprah I thought you might like:

 

Oprah does ‘favorite things’ on the cheap, even with freebies … – I so agree with you about Oprah… She has, in my opinion, sold out to the rich and infamous with her money. Too bad all these celebs don’t realize where their money comes from and return it here. Here in the USA we have schools that …

10 Links a Day: The Oprah Shopping List: Gifts Under $100 – Recently, Oprah came out with her list of great gifts for under $100. There are some great ideas on the list below and 10 Links a Day would like to thank Oprah and her team for pulling together this amazing list. Check them out. …

Teaching Kids about Money – Orpah Again – While TV channel surfing one recent evening, I came by another episode of Oprah that had Suze Orman as a guest. As you may remember, I’ve written about Oprah and money before where Suze spoke to Oprah about the grotesque amounts of debt …

 

The Taxman Cometh: Anatomy of a Money Madness

Posted on February 2nd, 2008 in Taxes, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

At the end of my Cure Money Madness talk last month, I had a great opportunity to dissect a common—though complex—money madness situation. On the last day, a 50 year-old man came up to the podium and said, “I’m not sure if I have money madness.” He went on to share that he hadn’t filed a tax return in almost a decade, not only to avoid taxes, but also to avoid the hassle of completing an administrative form.

After we talked about some numbers, he publicly confessed what he already suspected, and what I knew—that he wasn’t actually saving much money by not filing. Then, he blurted out, “I’ve also kept my income low all these years so I’d be below the IRS’ radar – too small a fish for them to fry…But now I’ve spent my small inheritance and am struggling to make ends meet.”

“OK,” I responded, “let’s get clear about what your money madness drives you to do. First, earn less money than you’re capable of earning. Second, reject work that would increase your net worth and refuse to ask for better compensation for the work you’re doing. Third, shirk your legal obligation to pay taxes.”

He agreed that this was a fair assessment, so we explored the money messages on which this behavior was built. Three important messages emerged.
1. The “system” is unfair, and a hassle, to boot.
2. You should get away with something if you can
3.Not paying taxes makes perfect sense, given #1 and #2.

Curing money madness begins with examining the costs of money madness. In this case, money madness locked him into making less than he needed to live, into doing uninteresting work that didn’t capitalize on his genius qualities and into a constant state of stress at the specter of being caught by the IRS.

Then, he had to accept the numbers we’d just looked at, and truly understand that while he might have avoided an end-of-the-year check to the IRS, what he avoided in earnings was far greater than any taxes could ever have been.

Next, he had to make the connection between not paying taxes and his self-confidence.  One consequence of the system he’d concocted was that he lived a smaller, less public, more limited professional life, which no doubt affected his personal life, too. His system both reinforced and created low self-esteem. He had to see that the whole thing was, for him, a way to avoid personal pain, yet a source of the very pain he was trying to avoid.

Money and Peace

Posted on January 28th, 2008 in Community, Uncategorized | Leave A Comment

Many of us operate on the principle that money is somehow antithetical to peace. We talk about having jobs that are well-paying or ethical, companies that are “corporate” and therefore bad. We seek guidance from spiritual leaders who took vows of poverty and religious verses condemning the lust for money. We focus on finding tranquility by releasing our attachment to the material world, in which money plays a starring role.

But what if the truth—money vs. peace, profit vs. ethics—just isn’t that black and white?

Consider MoveOn.org. With 3.3 million members, MoveOn.org has used Internet-based, grassroots community organizing to raise many millions of dollars. Those funds have paid for things like Viacom billboards reading “Inspections Work. War Won’t.” in major cities across the country, thousands of phone calls to Congress in advance of votes on torture and the war in Iraq, and DC rallies with tens of thousands of attendees exhorting the government to take action against genocide in Darfur.

From Patagonia to the Peace Corps to The Desmond Tutu Peace Foundation, there are thousands of organizations creating and supporting peace using not just volunteers and vision, but money. Cold, hard cash. Lean, mean green. (By the way—just look at the words we use to talk about money: cold, hard, and mean!)

The fact of the matter is that money is powerful, but it’s neither good nor bad—it’s neutral. As neutral as a spoon, a wheelbarrow, a paperclip. It’s simply a tool, and like all tools, it can be used for good or ill. A hammer can crash down on your finger or build a house. Fire can burn down your garden or cook your meals. Money can generate suffering, or it can generate peace and progress; and rejecting money because it can cause suffering is like refusing a hammer while building your house because you might accidentally hit your finger.

Rather than struggle to reject money because it’s bad, embrace money as a neutral tool, only as constructive or destructive as our intentions. The nature and scope of its power directly depend on how we use it.

In our progressive communities, many of us have a negative knee-jerk reaction to money. That reaction keeps us from seeing that money creates opportunities to improve the world. When we don’t see the benevolent, constructive side of money, we reject it, and those opportunities are lost.

Get clear on the neutrality of money, and you’ll create possibilities. Possibilities lead to opportunities. Opportunities lead to change. And in the hands of the progressive community, change leads to peace.

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